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Friday, December 04, 2009

Top 5 facts about Kansas coach Mark Mangino:

5 – They were worried he might try to eat the mascot, but Kansas told them not to worry as
he never touches healthy food

4 – Mangino was upset they couldn’t go to the Hot Wings bowl, or the Chili-Cheese Dog Bowl, or
the Fry that thing in Boiling Fat bowl

3 – He’s the only coach that weighs more than his entire offensive line

2 – Star Wars character Jaba the Hut was based on him

1 – He coaches for a living because it’s the only way he can score

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

In the imortal words of the texters....OMG.
Rumor is that Tiger Woods has been hitting this harder than a Titleist on a par 5. Blogapova hopes that the rumors are true. In tough economic times like these people need hero's. And Tiger is the type of hero the people need. He's living the American dream...he's rich, successful, has a huge yacht, and he's laying pipe like a plumber working overtime. There can be no stronger message to the average American man that it pays to work hard and be successful.

Blogapova also thinks it would be worth getting a 5-iron beating from an angry wife.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

A very interesting psychology experiment recently showed that in the presence of wives or girlfriends, men like the ones in the front row will try desperately to avoid even looking in the general direction of a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader shaking her ass right in their face. The control group for the experiment was Mr. Number 11 Jersey a few rows back...Osama Bin Laden himself could blow up the half time show and he's not going to take his eyes off the prize. Good man.

Friday, September 18, 2009

...and because sometimes "Sorry" isn't enough I give you a second apology for the "fat chick on a motorcycle" post.
This post is offered as an apology to anyone offended by the previous post. I am truely sorry.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Narcotics officers arrested this woman after discovering she was hiding 50 lbs of crack up her skirt.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

"Hey Hillary, isn't it funny how you wanted to be President but it's actually ME taking the podium? How does that glass ceiling feel when you hit it?"

"Oh Barack! Stop it! You're KILLING ME!! I can't breathe it's so funny."

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The ObamaCare death panel has identified the first "cost savings" to be realized under the new plan...115 year old Alfred like there's no tomorrow buddy.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Every year Qadaffi looks more and more like a b-list hollywood actor in low budget war flick. Kid Rock would look more believable in that outfit. WTF Libya?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Brittney Spears performs her new single "Ride me like Surfboard" at the teen choice awards.

Monday, August 17, 2009

I just thought this pic was newsworthy.

On a short break from the Town Hall tour Barack takes a break to view Old Faithful...the only thing in nature that spews more hot air than he does.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says that while they mourn the loss of any life, they are happy she's gone because this poster caused more chickens to be choked than any poster on earth.
Crazed North Korean Dictator Kim Jung Il called President obama in a drunken tirade and told him that the only way to avoid a missile strike on Hawaii would be to sacrifice three American celebrities in his honor. Ultimately the administration went with McMahon, Fawcett, and Jackson. Think about it...there's been no talk of a missile strike since then, and when's the last time we lost three celebrities in a week? See...this is the news the puppets won't report.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I hope Obama's new nominee for the high court realizes that starting now the new judge is responsible for serving coffee and donuts everymorning, and ironing the robes, and cleaning up the break room...just saying.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Up and coming west coast rap artist "Dolla" was killed today. Critics say it's a shame because this guy was TWICE the rapper that Fifty Cent was.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Years of watching tourists on cell phones is modifying the behavior of zoo animals.
Sri Lanka holds the record for both "worst camo" AND "soldiers most likely to look like humpty dumpty".
It's no wonder they've been fighting the Tamil Rebels since 1976...these two have their hands full fighting their way into that uniform every morning. Maybe if the fit guys in the background were in uniform this war could have been wrapped up a little earlier.

Monday, May 04, 2009

This is one of the very few times in life you can get caught with an 18 year old holding one of your balls and not get in trouble. Talk about a hole in one!

Friday, May 01, 2009

My wife must be a neat freak because after 12 years of marriage I leave ONE thing on the couch and she gets upset.
I do not understand why womens beach volleyball hasn't cornered the sports market.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Now when they say "DHS" I can't tell if they are referring to the "Department" of Homeland Security, or the "Dike" of Homeland Security.

1% of the US population is upset with Miss California's answer to the gay marriage question...the remaining 99% still want to nail her.

100% of lesbians polled say they wish the gay dudes would quit being bitches about this whole thing because it's ruining their chances for landing pageant chicks.

And finally 75% of straight women said that after a drink or three with Miss California they'd be hitting on that like Melissa Etheridge in a womens prison.

Monday, April 20, 2009

In a scary display of the ability to hide ones true emotions, four contestants actually smile and cheer for the girl that was just voted smarter and prettier than them.
What is the difference between a magic act and the Miss America Pageant?

Answer: One is a display of cunning stunts.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

This woman lost her job as a high school cheerleading coach because she posed for playboy. We all know that it's the moms that are behind this...there is NO WAY IN HELL a dad would fire this woman. I would suggest we cancel mothers day as retribution.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Madonna is attempting to adopt another african child. Apparently infant males from third world countries are the only demographic she has not yet slept with.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

David Letterman unveils his own "stimulus" plan. Look at Dave's face...that is the look of a man who's trying not to get a boner on TV.
In response to customer feedback on how to make the swimsuit edition better, Sports Illustrated now prints a life-sized version.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Our live mic picked up this whispered conversation as President Obama spoke with a homeless woman at a Ft. Myers town hall meeting:

"Get your broke ass out of here and quit putting me on the spot in front of the whole nation."

Friday, February 06, 2009

Unable to control the practical jokes, Joe Biden continues to provide loud flatulance at the official close of each press conference.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Researchers aren't sure why this type of monkey shaves it's posterior, but they say it must have something to do with a mating ritual 'cause somebody knocked that monkey ass straight in.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Michael Phelps says the only thing faster than him through the water is bong smoke. This picture explains the earlier stories about his 12,000 calorie a day intake. Turns out all 12,000 calories were in the form of pizza, dorito's, brownies...

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The arrows point to hinges, which are commonly present on doors. The savior of the democratic party on the left is attempting entry into the whitehouse through a window...which, notably, lacks the hinges necessary for access. I bet George W. Bush is laughing his ass off right now.

Monday, January 26, 2009

If the muslims ran this country they would cover this up with a bag. WTF?

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Thursday, January 22, 2009

US Officials say the alarming trend among muslim nations to use children as soldiers will have far reaching impact on our training. "we're definately going to have to start using smaller targets on the range and emphasize the importance of aiming low."
Doctors confirm that Apple CEO Stephen Jobs has "macbook air" disease...because that's how skinny it makes you before you die.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Ricardo Montalban has died, and with him die the hopes and dreams of countless Philipino midgets who hoped to someday co-star a midday sitcom drama with him.

US Airways is now offering double-sky miles for any flight that terminates in the water.

California Rep Henry Waxman...this guy looks like an angry dick with ears.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Kerry: "see...there's the glass ceiling right there."

Clinton: " oh yeah! I can see it now!"

Monday, January 12, 2009

Tim Tebow and former Florida QB Chris Leak celebrate their winning of the BCS championship with a slow dance in the endzone.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Crystal Harris is the newest girlfriend of Hugh Heffner. She describes herself as "as good girl, for the most part."
Yeah...except for the part where she sleeps with wrinkly old dudes for money and fame.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Bill Richardson resigns his post as Obamas Secretary of Commerce to take a lead vocals position with Los Lobos. Richardson says he hates to do it but the Commerce gig doesn't get near as much leg as singing lead for a Latino band.