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Monday, April 28, 2008

Designers create the first safe sex clothing...the condom skirt.
This gives a whole new meaning to Foul Ball.
Billy Ray Cyrus and his daughter Hanna Montana perform their latest hit "Baby girl's a Ho-Bag and Daddy don't care".
Spike Lee releases his latest movie Outback Fever to critical acclaim.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

I don't know what surprises me more; that Danica Patrick won a race or that the second place trophy is so small.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Megan Fox was just voted the sexiest woman in the world by FHM magazine. Fox was the star of the recent film "Transformers" which is essentially a movie about tranforming small tools into larger tools. Respondents said she did a VERY good job in that particular role. The editors also noted that most men polled said that Megan Fox is the one who should be getting "poled".

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Scientists create an invisible ring-taile lemur...seen here carrying a baby on it's back.

Funds are so tight in the Clinton campaign that hitch-hiking is now the standard mode of travel.

In a desperate effort to look more human and likeable Hillary Clinton has begun a "hugging campaign". Here she is seen forcing a hug on a voter and accidentally crushing their face into a hard metal broach on her lapel. Voters say it's an awkward and painful experience that causes many to favor Obama.

Friday, April 18, 2008

The men of the cult in Texas, caught up in the idea of having multiple wives, were quite disappointed when they all turned out to look like this. New recruits to the cult say these aren't the women that were used in the recruiting literature. "I never would have signed on if I knew the Little House on the Prairie theme was going on. I never wanted to nail Mrs. Ingalls much less the old lady from Big Valley...I'm outta here."

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The pope waited a full 5 minutes before they explained to him that no altar boys were going to pop out of the cake. He said that at these catholic parties the cake usually blows HIM out.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Herschel Walker reveals that he has multiple personality disorder. Experts say that one of the personalities led to him endangering himself in games of Russian Roullette, they say he was lucky though as one of his other personalities wanted to be an NFL running back. Psychologists quickly point out that less than 1% of all multiple personality disorder victims ever rush for more than 8,000 yards in the NFL.

Friday, April 11, 2008

It would be difficult for me to concentrate knowing that I was making $21,000 per stroke.

Arnold Palmer is now so old he has to use a club with a waffle iron for a head just to make contact.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

In the event of a tie in Japanese baseball the team mascots fight to the death to determine the winner.

Monday, April 07, 2008

This is your annual reminder that we are winning the war on terror. If we lose, the Miss America contestants will be forced to wear Burqa's.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Disney's Kung Fu Panda directors cut this panda orgy scene from the film after explaining to the film crew that this isn't what they meant by "stuffed animals".

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

The side of meerkats the Discovery Channel doesn't want you to see.