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Thursday, December 27, 2007

When I heard Huckabee screwed the pooch on a pheasant hunt I thought they meant he had missed a lot of shots.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Ladies and gentlemen this is a smoking flight and I've turned off the seatbelt sign so you're free to get out of your seats.
Virgil Hill, seen here crying, asks the Ref to stop the fight as he didn't know they would hitting for real.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

So this is what a double breasted suit looks like.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Friday, December 14, 2007

No matter how hard you train people always bunch up when the shooting starts.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Rule number one when fighting a NOT try to punch him in the mouth.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Proof that Witches are real and that kids are scared of them.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Presidential candidate Barrack Obama is seen here speaking with regard to Hillary Clinton saying "Look, the bitch finally knows her role...and that is to stay 10 feet behind me."

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee is endorsed by Chuck Norris. It is widely speculated that Norris will be chosen as the VP for Huckabee's ticket, they would run under the singular name "Chuckabee".

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Ancaster Athletics are publishing their fund raising calendar with 102-year old Nora Hardwick as their nude Miss November. Thats right...102 years old and in the buff. The good new is that it will be a shot from the knees up so you really won't be able to see anything.

They should make a fortune...I'd pay 20 bucks to NOT get this calendar.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Gorillas, using sign language, have said that lack of privacy is their biggest concern at the Frankfurt zoo. This mature Silverback says he can't even pinch a loaf without people snapping
Cricket...a sport for men too scared to play baseball without pads.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Richard Branson has teamed up with Victoria's Secret to create a new airline. Asked if this would be similar to Virgin, his other airline, Branson said passengers on Victoria's Secret airline won't be thinking Virgin at all.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Unbelievable. I got a public indecency ticket when I got caught doing this in the park and this kid just gets his picture taken.
For anyone that is is my Christmas list.

Monday, November 05, 2007

In the latest round of "celebrities with a cause", underwear supermodel Gisele chimes in on the ramifications of the US Current Account defecit, her outlook on further depreciation of the US Dollar, and potential triangular currency arbitrage strategies. Widely regarded for her financial prowess she provides some real credibility for Bill Gross and Warren Buffet who have recently taken a similar stance.

When pressed though, she couldn't pick out the U.S. dollar from a lineup of Euro's, Monopoly money, American Express points, or real US dollars.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Auguste Rodin, famous sculptor of The Thinker, also created a less famous work that he titled "The Crapper".

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Laura Bush at a recent meeting with Darth Vaders wife.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Photographers can only watch as a giant spider humps this Chow dog in Times Square.
In a gesture of sportsmanship and goodwill, Boston up by 3 games and about to sweep the Rockies; agrees to chase all ground balls by doing the bear crawl. The Rockies STILL couldn't get on base.

Friday, October 26, 2007

The strange and sad part of Clark Kents life they don't show in the movies, this explains the cape and tights.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Halle Berry shows up at The Cans film festival.
The classic dilema: Do you leave her there or try to take her to the game? At this point you KNOW you're not getting laid so you might as well leave her on the curb and cruise for a new date that doesn't smell like whiskey, mud, and puke.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

OJ Simpson was arrested in connection with an armed robbery in Las Vegas. Sources say this arrest has prompted OJ to admit he regrets killing Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson. "Yeah, I really regret killing two people...I should have paced myself and kept the double homocide for the end of my career, then I could have gone out on a high note...doing it like this just feels cheap...I should have saved the murders for last."

Monday, September 10, 2007

Brittany Spears looks more like a Hooters waitress every day.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Secret Service agents are baffled by a mystery sniper who trains his laser scope on the President of India everywhere she goes. They can't figure out how he has such steady aim, and covers her from all directions...much less why he hasn't pulled the trigger yet.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Florida State Representative and McCain supporter has been arrested for solicitation for the MENS rooms. He was trying to pull a George Michael and offered his services to an udercover officer for $20.

Upon his arrest he first claimed "I'm on John McCains staff" which didn't sound very good considering the circumstances. Then he claimed he was just trying to take a poll and the officer reminded him that is exactly why he was arrested...trying to take a pole for 20 bucks.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

In a classic Freudean slip Prince Charles welcomes a young lass to "Fuckingham Palace".

Monday, July 09, 2007

Fox has a new hit show called "Animal Trainers that didn't learn anything from that big-white-killer-tiger that ate the Sigfried and Roy guys head".
Ahhh yes, which Palestinian doesn't remember playing cowboys and infidels as a child?

Hundreds of male fans were disappointed after they showed up for Sharipovas "sign your big balls" event.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

After months of shenanigans and bad behavior, the Polar Bear cub at the Frankfurt zoo is put before the firing squad.

Monday, July 02, 2007

The Clintons say they have moved past all the scandals and are as happy as they've ever been. "Oh Bill! Remember that time you blew your wad on the chubby intern? Oh what a hoot!"

"Yes, Yes I recall....I do recall."

Recent surveys show that most American men are in favor of swapping female candidates with Argentina. The plan has the express backing of former President Bill Clinton.
The survey also pointed out the 9 times out of 10 when looking at a picture of the Argentinian candidate men experienced a Freudian slip pronouncing the electoral process as the "erection" versus "election".
If the Argentinian candidate is elected we will re-name the Oval office to the "Hourglass" office...sadly, if Hillary is elected we will rename it the "pear shaped thunder thigh office".

Monday, June 25, 2007

Local woman reacts to getting her first bill after her Adjustable Rate Mortgage resets.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Real Madrid players try to avoid getting "tea-bagged" by fellow player Fabio Cannavaro in a post game victory celebration. "He's always piling on and trying to throw his junk in someones face...we're really pushing management for a trade".

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Veteran Sumo wrestlers in Japan are having a very difficult time trying to beat a new child prodigy that has taken the sport by storm. They say he overcomes his lack of strength with agility. They also claim he has an unfair advantage in that he doesn't get the "Sumo Wedgie" that comes with having a 400 pound butt.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

In an effort to reduce tailgaiting by truckers the National Highway Safety Commission has recommended that the drivers seat must be moved to the front bumper.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Lebron James scored 48 points last night, including their last 25 consecutive points in the game. The Cleveland front office today announced that Lebron will now play 1 on 5 the rest of the season, the remainder of the team will be summarily fired, and the Cavaliers new name will be the Cleveland Lebron Jameses.
Jack is BACK! If you are elderly, terminally ill, have seasonal allergies or have recently twisted an ankle....lock your doors. Jack Kevorkian walked out of jail today and he said he is jonesing for a mercy killing. He said his one regret was that he was locked up during that whole Terry Schiavo thing.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Miss Brazil came in second at the Miss Universe contest to Miss Japan (pic not worthy of posting) proving once again that the pageant is rigged. Without bribing the judges nobody from Japan will ever beat a contestant from North or South America in a bikini contest...ever.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The Frankfurt zoo has a Bengal Tiger that can swim underwater. Zoologists claim the implications of this behavior are huge...we now have the ability to answer the age old question of who would win in a fight between a tiger and a shark.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The U.S. Navy kicks off its Muslimania 2007 World Tour...coming soon to a third world country near you.

Monday, May 21, 2007

In a sure sign that Alzheimers has set in, Jimmy Carter says George Bush is the worst president in history. Doctors say they believe his Alzheimers is in an advanced stage as Carter apparently doesn't remember anything about rampant inflation, high unemployment or micromanaged attempts to rescue American hostages during the early 80'....hmmm...who was president then....

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

In a game known for it's quirks, superstitions, and procedures Yankees pitcher Chien-Ming Wang raises the bar SEVERAL notches by requiring a team mate to visually inspect his package each time he strikes out a batter. Team mates say it's awkward and slows the game down but he does pitch better after he gets his junk checked out so why not.

Friday, May 11, 2007

A German Sheppard in Columbus Ohio takes one hostage, vows to kill the cat if somebody doesn't get to the bottom of this poisoned dog food thing...and quickly.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Clay Armstrong teaches recent college graduate and Arizona Cardinals first-round draft pick how to write.