Sri Lanka holds the record for both "worst camo" AND "soldiers most likely to look like humpty dumpty".

It's no wonder they've been fighting the Tamil Rebels since 1976...these two have their hands full fighting their way into that uniform every morning. Maybe if the fit guys in the background were in uniform this war could have been wrapped up a little earlier.

This is one of the very few times in life you can get caught with an 18 year old holding one of your balls and not get in trouble. Talk about a hole in one!

My wife must be a neat freak because after 12 years of marriage I leave ONE thing on the couch and she gets upset.

I do not understand why womens beach volleyball hasn't cornered the sports market.

Gratuitous Megan Fox pick.

Forget your helmet on riot day? Priceless.

Now when they say "DHS" I can't tell if they are referring to the "Department" of Homeland Security, or the "Dike" of Homeland Security.

1% of the US population is upset with Miss California's answer to the gay marriage question...the remaining 99% still want to nail her.

100% of lesbians polled say they wish the gay dudes would quit being bitches about this whole thing because it's ruining their chances for landing pageant chicks.

And finally 75% of straight women said that after a drink or three with Miss California they'd be hitting on that like Melissa Etheridge in a womens prison.

In a scary display of the ability to hide ones true emotions, four contestants actually smile and cheer for the girl that was just voted smarter and prettier than them.

What is the difference between a magic act and the Miss America Pageant?

Answer: One is a display of cunning stunts.

This woman lost her job as a high school cheerleading coach because she posed for playboy. We all know that it's the moms that are behind this...there is NO WAY IN HELL a dad would fire this woman. I would suggest we cancel mothers day as retribution.

Madonna is attempting to adopt another african child. Apparently infant males from third world countries are the only demographic she has not yet slept with.

Nice melons lady!

David Letterman unveils his own "stimulus" plan. Look at Dave's face...that is the look of a man who's trying not to get a boner on TV.

In response to customer feedback on how to make the swimsuit edition better, Sports Illustrated now prints a life-sized version.

Our live mic picked up this whispered conversation as President Obama spoke with a homeless woman at a Ft. Myers town hall meeting:

"Get your broke ass out of here and quit putting me on the spot in front of the whole nation."

Unable to control the practical jokes, Joe Biden continues to provide loud flatulance at the official close of each press conference.

Researchers aren't sure why this type of monkey shaves it's posterior, but they say it must have something to do with a mating ritual 'cause somebody knocked that monkey ass straight in.

Michael Phelps says the only thing faster than him through the water is bong smoke. This picture explains the earlier stories about his 12,000 calorie a day intake. Turns out all 12,000 calories were in the form of pizza, dorito's, brownies...

The arrows point to hinges, which are commonly present on doors. The savior of the democratic party on the left is attempting entry into the whitehouse through a window...which, notably, lacks the hinges necessary for access. I bet George W. Bush is laughing his ass off right now.

If the muslims ran this country they would cover this up with a bag. WTF?

I put my Kung Fu in your FACE!!

US Officials say the alarming trend among muslim nations to use children as soldiers will have far reaching impact on our training. "we're definately going to have to start using smaller targets on the range and emphasize the importance of aiming low."

Doctors confirm that Apple CEO Stephen Jobs has "macbook air" disease...because that's how skinny it makes you before you die.

Ricardo Montalban has died, and with him die the hopes and dreams of countless Philipino midgets who hoped to someday co-star a midday sitcom drama with him.

US Airways is now offering double-sky miles for any flight that terminates in the water.

California Rep Henry Waxman...this guy looks like an angry dick with ears.

Kerry: "see...there's the glass ceiling right there."

Clinton: " oh yeah! I can see it now!"

Tim Tebow and former Florida QB Chris Leak celebrate their winning of the BCS championship with a slow dance in the endzone.

Crystal Harris is the newest girlfriend of Hugh Heffner. She describes herself as "as good girl, for the most part."

Yeah...except for the part where she sleeps with wrinkly old dudes for money and fame.

Bill Richardson resigns his post as Obamas Secretary of Commerce to take a lead vocals position with Los Lobos. Richardson says he hates to do it but the Commerce gig doesn't get near as much leg as singing lead for a Latino band.

When I told you to put Jesus in the manger scene I meant the baby Jesus NOT "Jesus" from security.

Zoologists couldn't figure out how the Panda's escaped their pen until reviewing this security camera footage.

And I thought MY rush hour commute was bad. WTF?

Officials say this attack on the President came out well...only two soles were lost.

Texas representative Al Green proves that being a congressman is so easy even a caveman could do it.

If Miss SIBERIA can be this hot how can one argue against global warming?

Think about it...if you put a helmet on that you get Darth Vader.

The Obama's share a laugh at the voting booth this morning when they realize Ralph Nader still has his name on the ballot.

When they said that Watchdog Groups would be at the polls I completely misunderstood...

After all the hate mail I got over the "worlds fattest man gets married" post I thought I'd try to make up to you people...I give you...Giselle.

Forecasters are predicting a full moon for Halloween.

Worlds heaviest man gets married...and it must have been to a lesbian 'cause look at the size of his boobs.

Miss Teen Louisianna USA was ARRESTED for leaving a restaraunt without paying the $46 bill. Arrested. All I can see is a new episode of Chained Heat...and I want an autographed, unedited, directors cut version.

Brad Sciullo of Uniontown, Pa set two world records last week. The first was for eating the worlds largest burger, the other record was set 6 hours later for taking the worlds biggest dump.

Voters fearing John McCains age could play a role in the election weren't reassured when he suffered a massive but short seizure 30 seconds after the debate.

Russia unveils the most awesomely bad-ass cavalry EVER...tigers riding horses...UN-stoppable.

This is Lauriane Gilliéron, Miss Switzerland 2006. She is the reason every man on the planet should know how to say two things in French...or German...or whatever the hell it is that they speak where she's from:

1 - I'm a doctor

2 - I just need to take your temperature with this

Putin recently shot an endangered animal, had his picture taken while doing Judo, and just got a pet tiger for his birthday...he's looking more and more like one of the evil bad guys from a James Bond movie.