26,000 people showed up for try-outs to be the new guy on the Quaker Oatmeal box.  

OJ hires Nicole look-alikes for his book promotion to help re-enact how he WOULD have done it...if he DID do it...which he DIDN'T.  

The Bengals Chad Johnson says he's happy with Carson Palmers off season strength workout, but it's getting tough to catch these rockets. Seen here is a COMPLETION that knocked down a receiver, a free safety, and a corner. 

Disney appologized for the ending in their new movie about a baby seal that moves to a new neighborhood and gets eaten by a shark because he is different from the other kids.

Cindy Margolis will pose in Playboy. I don't think anything more needs to be said. You are all excused right now to go buy your copies. 

Trash talk has hit a new and potentially unbreakable level, Missouri's Kalen Grimes played an entire game blindfolded...and won. 

I just figured it out, the muslims aren't bowing down and praying ot the east...they're all farting toward the west.  

British snipers have killed 82 gay Iraqi insurgents using this trick. Rights groups say it amounts to hunting over bait. It gives a whole new meaning to the old combat phrase "cover my ass".  

A female polar bear on the receiving end of the "north pole".

Fred Smoot gets a 15 yard penalty for Unsportsmanlike Spanking after he yanked the britches off of the 49's Antonio Bryant. Additionally CBS broadcasters were suspended for their "now I've seen the dark side of the moon" comment after the play.  

Baghdad residents begin partying upon news of Saddams death sentence. The man in the background just ordered the worlds biggest joint. The man in front is ordering two.  

Americas military is forced to fight a two front war. One against insurgents in Iraq, and another against dumb-ass liberal elite new england politicians.

Theater commanders are certain they'll beat the Iraqis, but not so sure they can get John Kerry to quit being a dumb-ass, liberal elitist new englander.

This week the Dolphins will work on blocking. 

Memphis Grizzly Tarence Kinsey gets in the Halloween mood by playing the entire first half wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask.  

...and the number one sign that there is a terrorist in the airport... 

Barney Franks staff celebrates the passage of the Gay Marriage amendment in New Jersey. 

Don't stop him...he's on a roll. 

4 out of 5 models surveyed love computers because they come with a bunch of these cute little mirrors. 

A sharks idea of an All You Can Eat buffet. 

An Afghani drive in movie theater. They ran out of money after they bought the popcorn machine, so right now it's more of a "walk-in" deal, and there's no movie...the old man just tells you a story. But it's a start. It's a good start.  

Kim Jung Il has North Korea convinced that he is a god. A god with a receding hairline, pot belly, and cheap clothes, but a god none-the-less.  

Wow. It DOES get cold at those fashion shows. 

Scientists using the Hubble telescope capture mankinds first picture of Heaven.

Giving Victorias Secret its first competition Jenny Craigs Secret will open in malls across America before the Christmas shopping season. Founder Jenny Craig says this is a move to capture more business from that segment of their clientelle that really aren't ever going to quit being fat.  

Mark Foley resigns from congress after reporters uncover sexually explicit e-mails he sent to underage boys.

In the ultimate sign of denial Foley announced that he is entering an alcohol rehab program.

Newt Gingrich was quoted as saying "Mr. Foley, with all due respect...you don't have Ted Kennedy's problem...you've got Barney Franks problem."