Astronomers are stunned to discover that Venus has a moon.

Rema Fakih becomes the first Arab-American to win the Miss USA contest. This explains the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. If there are chicks like this covered up in burqa's anywhere in the world then we need to fight to free them. I think I speak on behalf of all servicemen when I say that I'd fight for that.

Oh HELL YEAH! THATS what I want in a Miss America contestant. This chick should win EVERY year automatically, the rest can compete for second place. Heck this should be the only event in the competition. Does anyone really care if she can play the piano or what her thougths are on imigration policy? No. The only thing people care about is seeing her undressed so lets skip the formalities, make this a 30 minute weekly show, and vote year round.

In addition to being the first Supreme Court Justice with no experience, Elena Kagan might be the first ugly "Elena" in history. I submit the following:

Elena Anaya:

Elena Dementieva:

Elena Gonzolez:

Even the Greeks can bring some heat here....Elena Paparizou:

And then there is Elena Kagan...if you put her in one of those Supreme Court robes she's gonna look like Belushi at a toga party in Animal House...was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

Elena Kagan has been nominated to be a supreme court justice. With no experience as a judge to back up her nomination to be one of the top judges in the nation, the conversation quickly spiraled downward to other less important topics. Here she describes how big she likes her sub sandwiches.

Being this fat and this ugly it's a darn good thing justice is blind. If you take the earrings off then she looks an awful lot like Dick Morris (the old Clinton advisor).

This seems like a strong response for a one-dog riot.

It's getting so bad in Greece that even the dogs are taking to the streets...and what kind of bad-ass dog is not only immune to tear gas...but rares up and takes it in?

Does this not look like Frankenstein?

Tony Stewart's team says they are having a difficult time figuring out why he's not winning races. I'll tell you why...it's because you've got Humpty Dumpty driving the car...hell...Weight Watchers should be Tony's new sponsor.

Major Leage Baseball introduces a new 7th inning stretch entertainment piece in an attempt to make baseball more interesting. It's free nacho's for the fan that makes it across the field without getting tasered.

Fans cheered wildly as the chase evolved. The first contestant Jimmy Rollins said "I wasn't prepared for the quickness of that tubby rent-a-cop...he's really got some foot speed and the taser adds a good 15 feet to his reach. When it hits you it's lights out...I got burn marks on my ass, a face full of grass...and no nachos".