Local woman reacts to getting her first bill after her Adjustable Rate Mortgage resets.

Real Madrid players try to avoid getting "tea-bagged" by fellow player Fabio Cannavaro in a post game victory celebration. "He's always piling on and trying to throw his junk in someones face...we're really pushing management for a trade".

Veteran Sumo wrestlers in Japan are having a very difficult time trying to beat a new child prodigy that has taken the sport by storm. They say he overcomes his lack of strength with agility. They also claim he has an unfair advantage in that he doesn't get the "Sumo Wedgie" that comes with having a 400 pound butt.

In an effort to reduce tailgaiting by truckers the National Highway Safety Commission has recommended that the drivers seat must be moved to the front bumper.

Lebron James scored 48 points last night, including their last 25 consecutive points in the game. The Cleveland front office today announced that Lebron will now play 1 on 5 the rest of the season, the remainder of the team will be summarily fired, and the Cavaliers new name will be the Cleveland Lebron Jameses.

Jack is BACK! If you are elderly, terminally ill, have seasonal allergies or have recently twisted an ankle....lock your doors. Jack Kevorkian walked out of jail today and he said he is jonesing for a mercy killing. He said his one regret was that he was locked up during that whole Terry Schiavo thing.