The Army Corps of Engineers has found a solution to the flooding in New Orleans. The Texas Air National guard plans to drop THIS 200 ton dike into place later this week to fill the gap on the 17th street canal. When asked if he thought the plan would work Col Hank Thomson of the Tex Air Natl. Guard responded by spitting tabbacco juice on the tarmac and saying "Hell I don't know, but I've been wanting to kick that bitch out the back of a plane for a long time".  

Officials at the National Zoo in Washington DC have become quite embarrased by a series of Panda Porn tapes that have surface recently on the internet. A zoo spokesman went on record saying "We call these wild animals for a reason. From now on we might need to refer to them as "wild and freaky" animals". 

It's only got 1 horsepower...but it's paid for.  

Indian soldiers set a world record for "Number of people taking cover behind a Suzuki Samari."  

So I had to open about this wide to get a good hold on Sigfried.... 

Japans NHL commisioner handed down a 5 game suspension to number 36 for unsportsmanlike conduct when he mocked the Fuji Wildcats in Thursday nights game.  

Scientists in Tokyo have successfully combined the DNA of a ninja and Don King. 

Reporters asked Keith Richards if he was excited about the upcoming Rolling Stones tour to promote their latest album, titled Alzheimers. He responded by screaming "who the bloody F*!K are the Stoning Rolls?" then threw his hash pipe at the camera man.

A translation error proved embarrassing for Swedens Joakim Haeggman in the Johnnie Walker Championship this week. His caddy told him he had to nail hole 5. A confused Haeggman is seen here staring at his ball during the ordeal.

Cloudy weather is delaying the return of the space shuttle but NASA says if all goes well it should land in either California, New Mexico, or Florida tomorrow. If it doesn't go well it could conceivably land in all three.  

In a misguided effort influence people to boycott KFC, PETA has hired Australian supermodel Sara Jane to pose nude for a poster with some baby chickens. So if we keep eating chicken....you'll keep putting her on the poster naked? Another bucket of spicy and crispy please....hold the slaw... 

Japanese underdog Hujo Assimoto provides a stunning end to the final Sumo match on Sunday by delivering to his nemesis the most difficult manuever in all of Sumo....the dreaded Reverse Wedgie Hoist. 

Sandra Beth Geisel, a teacher at Christian Brothers Academy in Colonie, New York was arrested for having sex with 4 juvenile boys from her class. Father Phil McCreviss said that he can't blame the youngsters because she is a babe, and he can't blame her either because he nailed those same 4 boys last year.

On a side note the Colonie NY Police Chief said that he has installed video cameras in her cell as part of her "suicide watch" status; and that if the public would like to help him monitor her safety (especially at changing times and shower times) they can log on to the police website at www.hot-for-teacher.com for $7.00 a minute. All proceeds from the website will be donated to the HCLDF - Hot Chicks Legal Defense Fund.

The acronym TILF should now be used to describe women like this...in accordance with the prophecy.

99% of the men surveyed completely missed the fact that there was a naked Santa Claus holding a flag in this picture.

NASA's safety and structure committee met today to discuss solutions to the now routine episodes of foam falling off the shuttle at launch. So far their best idea is to stop making parts of the space shuttle out of Nerf .

Tibetan monks complain to the World Olympic Committee that they should be spotted 80 points per match as it is a real bitch to bowl wearing this dress.  

USA diver Chelsea Davis pays tribute to Greg Louganis during her last dive of the Olympic finals. 

Former middle school teacher Debra LaFave goes on trial today for having sex with a seventh grade student. The prosecution had difficulty gaining access to the building due to the massive protest put on outside the court house by the Organization of the 6th Grade Boys of America demanding her release.  

In an effort to give the other riders a fair chance Lance Armstrong has decided to finish the Tour de France wearing a long horns helmet and pulling a huge Texas flag behind his bike.  

Major League Baseball is at a loss to explain how they are losing ratings to womens beach volleyball. Mike Piazza says "I just don't get it, I mean, I'm flashing the same hand signals they are, it should be just as exciting to watch" 

The first annual Narcoleptics in the Park conference got off to a bad start.... 

This is how they ride the bulls in the gay rodeo. 

The man that inspired the Tom Hanks hit movie "Castaway" was washed ashore in Florida by Hurricane Dennis over the weekend. Authorities couldn't confirm the whereabouts of Wilson.  

As Hurricane Dennis approaches we get a rare opportunity to observe natural selection in progress.  

If God ever had to wipe his butt I bet he'd use this.  

Players on the PGA tour are petitioning the association for more amenities on the course. Player frustrations peaked after Brandt Jobe couldn't even drop a duece near hole 5 without a crowd of fans critiquing his performance.