Secret Service agents are baffled by a mystery sniper who trains his laser scope on the President of India everywhere she goes. They can't figure out how he has such steady aim, and covers her from all directions...much less why he hasn't pulled the trigger yet.

Florida State Representative and McCain supporter has been arrested for solicitation for prostitution...in the MENS rooms. He was trying to pull a George Michael and offered his services to an udercover officer for $20.

Upon his arrest he first claimed "I'm on John McCains staff" which didn't sound very good considering the circumstances. Then he claimed he was just trying to take a poll and the officer reminded him that is exactly why he was arrested...trying to take a pole for 20 bucks.

In a classic Freudean slip Prince Charles welcomes a young lass to "Fuckingham Palace".

Fox has a new hit show called "Animal Trainers that didn't learn anything from that big-white-killer-tiger that ate the Sigfried and Roy guys head".

Ahhh yes, which Palestinian doesn't remember playing cowboys and infidels as a child?

Hundreds of male fans were disappointed after they showed up for Sharipovas "sign your big balls" event.

After months of shenanigans and bad behavior, the Polar Bear cub at the Frankfurt zoo is put before the firing squad.

The Clintons say they have moved past all the scandals and are as happy as they've ever been. "Oh Bill! Remember that time you blew your wad on the chubby intern? Oh what a hoot!"

"Yes, Yes I recall....I do recall."

Recent surveys show that most American men are in favor of swapping female candidates with Argentina. The plan has the express backing of former President Bill Clinton.

The survey also pointed out the 9 times out of 10 when looking at a picture of the Argentinian candidate men experienced a Freudian slip pronouncing the electoral process as the "erection" versus "election".

If the Argentinian candidate is elected we will re-name the Oval office to the "Hourglass" office...sadly, if Hillary is elected we will rename it the "pear shaped thunder thigh office".

Local woman reacts to getting her first bill after her Adjustable Rate Mortgage resets.

Real Madrid players try to avoid getting "tea-bagged" by fellow player Fabio Cannavaro in a post game victory celebration. "He's always piling on and trying to throw his junk in someones face...we're really pushing management for a trade".

Veteran Sumo wrestlers in Japan are having a very difficult time trying to beat a new child prodigy that has taken the sport by storm. They say he overcomes his lack of strength with agility. They also claim he has an unfair advantage in that he doesn't get the "Sumo Wedgie" that comes with having a 400 pound butt.

In an effort to reduce tailgaiting by truckers the National Highway Safety Commission has recommended that the drivers seat must be moved to the front bumper.

Lebron James scored 48 points last night, including their last 25 consecutive points in the game. The Cleveland front office today announced that Lebron will now play 1 on 5 the rest of the season, the remainder of the team will be summarily fired, and the Cavaliers new name will be the Cleveland Lebron Jameses.

Jack is BACK! If you are elderly, terminally ill, have seasonal allergies or have recently twisted an ankle....lock your doors. Jack Kevorkian walked out of jail today and he said he is jonesing for a mercy killing. He said his one regret was that he was locked up during that whole Terry Schiavo thing.

Miss Brazil came in second at the Miss Universe contest to Miss Japan (pic not worthy of posting) proving once again that the pageant is rigged. Without bribing the judges nobody from Japan will ever beat a contestant from North or South America in a bikini contest...ever.

The Frankfurt zoo has a Bengal Tiger that can swim underwater. Zoologists claim the implications of this behavior are huge...we now have the ability to answer the age old question of who would win in a fight between a tiger and a shark.

The U.S. Navy kicks off its Muslimania 2007 World Tour...coming soon to a third world country near you.

In a sure sign that Alzheimers has set in, Jimmy Carter says George Bush is the worst president in history. Doctors say they believe his Alzheimers is in an advanced stage as Carter apparently doesn't remember anything about rampant inflation, high unemployment or micromanaged attempts to rescue American hostages during the early 80'....hmmm...who was president then....

In a game known for it's quirks, superstitions, and procedures Yankees pitcher Chien-Ming Wang raises the bar SEVERAL notches by requiring a team mate to visually inspect his package each time he strikes out a batter. Team mates say it's awkward and slows the game down but he does pitch better after he gets his junk checked out so why not.