Gary Coleman watches as President Obama signs Obamacare into existence.

Duuuuude....I would SO be spanking the monkey...

Democratic Representative Eric Massa is in trouble for groping and sexually harasssing male employees. Despite mounting evidence Massa insists that he is not gay.

He admits that he groped the male employee but that he did it to "tickle him until he couldn't breathe, then 4 guys jumped on top of me"...Dude...that is pretty gay...like WAY gay.

He went on to say that he has humped a few dudes in the butt before, but that it was just horsing around "like everyone does"...guys being guys so to speak. Then he asked the interviewer if he wanted the traditional post-interview hand-job...nothing gay about it...just tradition. When the interviewer refused he then jumped him, tickled him until he couldn't breathe and "snorkled" him.

Scientist are unsure why Sophia Loren begins to look more like Elton John the older she gets.

9 out of 10 riot police say that their worst fear is their balls catching on fire...it's gonna hurt and nobody is gonna blow it out for you.

Using a new MRI technique scientists were able to capture this image from the brain of a dreaming dog.

What an ass.

The Obama administration was able to find 5 doctors that agreed with the new health care bill...they said the total goes up to 6 if you count Dr. J who also agrees with it.

Porn star Tera Patrick is currently touring with the USO and said she was moved by how often service men said they take her picture to Iraq. She mis-heard...they said they take it to "my rack". This helps explain the sudden rise (no pun intended) in carpel tunnel syndrome among the troops.