Gratuitous Megan Fox pick.

Forget your helmet on riot day? Priceless.

Now when they say "DHS" I can't tell if they are referring to the "Department" of Homeland Security, or the "Dike" of Homeland Security.

1% of the US population is upset with Miss California's answer to the gay marriage question...the remaining 99% still want to nail her.

100% of lesbians polled say they wish the gay dudes would quit being bitches about this whole thing because it's ruining their chances for landing pageant chicks.

And finally 75% of straight women said that after a drink or three with Miss California they'd be hitting on that like Melissa Etheridge in a womens prison.

In a scary display of the ability to hide ones true emotions, four contestants actually smile and cheer for the girl that was just voted smarter and prettier than them.

What is the difference between a magic act and the Miss America Pageant?

Answer: One is a display of cunning stunts.

This woman lost her job as a high school cheerleading coach because she posed for playboy. We all know that it's the moms that are behind this...there is NO WAY IN HELL a dad would fire this woman. I would suggest we cancel mothers day as retribution.