Scooter riders are going to great lengths to convince themselves that they're not girlie men.

NASA has put it's 3rd robotic spacecraft on Mars, which is funny because for a group that claims UFO's don't exist they sure seem to be launching a lot of them.

After years of conflicting studies doctors now say they are preeeettty damn sure that alcohol does NOT kill cancer cells.

Strapped for cash, assisted living centers across the country are making the elderly fight to determine who receives the limited prescription drugs they have available.

In an effort to boost 2nd quarter sales Apple says if everyone buys an IPOD this month they'll take the next picture without it.

Abdul displays the new Summer-weight Jihad Mask (with nose slit). Insurgents across the middles east say you sacrifice some anonymity but it's much more comfortable than the old model. American snipers enjoy the mask as well because the nose slit allows for easier alignment of the vertical scope reticle.

Horses everywhere revolt over the treatment of Eight Belles at the Kentucky Derby.

TPC Afghanistan. "We can't play the back nine anymore due to landmines, there's usually a sniper on Hole 3, and I wouldn't play the Par 5 hole without air support, but you can always get a tee time."

In an effort to make horse racing more exciting and "gladiator-like" the Kentucky Derby has begun killing the 2nd place finisher in front of the crowd.

The rowed like this for 4 hours before they figured out why they weren't getting anywhere.

Justin Timberlake sings for help as an old, STD infested, ho-bag Madonna throws him into the wall and grinds her privates on him. Timberlake said during counselling afterward "I'm in this to hit the younger chicks...my demographic is 18 to 25...and based on what I felt up against my leg...Madonna might be a man."